I have just returned from a short foray into the retail world (needed waaay more creamer. See previous post) and I’m still shakin’. Now, it could be partly from that nasty coffee (again, previous post) but I’m thinkin’ it’s mostly from close encounters of the worst kind. What is this? Inmate furlough day from da cracker factory? Do they let ‘em all out on specified days? Did I miss the notice?
I don’t like shopping on a good day, precious few of those that there are, but who knew before-noon-on-a-Tuesday-after-Spring-Break could be so bad? Too many people, too-narrow aisles, the ones in front of ya are slower’n 3-toed sloths; the ones behind ya are obviously in training for either a marathon or a shot at driving in a NASCAR race (Thank you, Ma’am, but I’d really prefer to keep that tiny bit of flesh on my achilles tendon…IF you don’t mind…) and all I wanted/needed was a list of less than 10 items and I’d be outta that mess and on my way home to peace and quiet and no ringing cell phones and no being a captive audience to someone else’s inane conversations and I could count my bruises and tend my wounds and go on Key West time and have a couple or ten Tecates. Whew… Finally made it out of the store and started to breathe again. But I was soooo WRONG to think the worst was past.
The real crazies have all been given passes to drive today! Same crap as in the store; the ones in front are slow, the ones behind are seriously considering sitting in MY driver’s seat; stop signs are being ignored; red lights are being blasted through (or, alternately, the slow one in front jams on the brakes and bows up 50 feet from the intersection on a YELLOW…) and all I wanna do is come home, in one piece, no damage to my car, with what little sanity I have left intact. Is that so much to ask? Is it? I guess not, since I did. Come home, that is. In one piece. No damage to my car. I cannot vouch for the sanity issue…
In closing, I have but one thing to say:
For all you SFBs out there with a death-wish — do NOT look to me for help in fulfilling it! But on second thought… hmmm…
That’s it. Door’s locked. Phone is off. Meditation music is on. Fridge is full of Tecate. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.
Tags: crappy drivers, I hate shopping, Nitnoidography, Rouxminations, T(ecate) Time!, the asylum is empty today!, Things that PISS ME OFF
