Or maybe I should say body parts ‘exchangers’? They don’t really take parts, they just seem to exchange almost worn-out parts for better ones. They’re sort of like Qeetz’l (reference here) but they’re soooo much worse. They’re scrouxin’ around with my parts and not just stuff, as Qeetz’l does!
I first noticed this phenomenon a few years ago. I’d always had excellent eyesight. A bit far-sighted, maybe, but I had no trouble reading so it was like the best of both worlds. I could read the tiny print as well as I could read the tail numbers on (low-flying) planes. I liked my eyesight. I didn’t need glasses to do anything; I didn’t get headaches from reading too much; I could get around in my world as well as anyone and better than lots of people could.
Then one day I awoke and all that was gone! I had to squint to read the paper. Tail numbers were sort of fuzzy. Nothing was as it should be. What the hell happened? Oh, I could drive and read and all that, but nothing was as it had been. If something was far away I needed it nearer. If something was near I had to hold it at arm’s length (or more). My eyes weren’t my eyes anymore!
They sure looked like my eyes (still do, from what I can tell; who knows for sure when you’re wearin’ stupid glasses…) but they sure don’t work like my eyes always did.
Okay, I thought, maybe I had a low-grade fever that I hadn’t noticed. Or maybe it was just a little strain from that marathon weekend of researching, writing, editing and re-writing those two papers that were due at the same time. (Take my advice, people; while it’s never too late to go back to school, and it can be very rewarding to do so after you’ve been out for a while and “found yourself”, if you have the chance — do it while you’re very young! The body parts snatchers don’t seem to pay too much attention to anyone under 30…).
But the effects remained the same. My eyes didn’t get back to their old normalcy. In fact, they seemed to gradually get worse! WTF’s up wit’ dat? And then… the Ah HAH moment! I realized these weren’t MY eyes at all! They’d been exchanged. Mine had been lifted in some evil five-finger discount scheme and a defective pair (albeit quite similar in appearance) had been left in their place to throw me off and prevent my tracing and reclaiming myveryown eyes! Damn! Evil stinkin’ thieves… But I gotta admit — it was a pretty smart piece of thievery.
Okay, ya win some; ya lose some. Forewarned is forearmed. I’d be more careful. I’d lock the doors and windows at night. No more sleeping with the deck door open. No more anything that might give the thieves the opportunity to sneak in, secrete themselves and do anymore mischief! This must not happen again!
*Sigh* All my precautions have been for naught. No matter what I do; no matter how careful I am, the evil-doers find a way come in at night undercover of darkness and steal away with perfectly good parts — leaving shoddy, discount parts (perhaps manufactured in China?) in their place.
What else have they taken, you ask? Oh, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you. It’s just too much to digest all at once. ’twill have to be revealed in short bits to alleviate the shock of it all. And it is shocking! To think that this could happen now, in the age of Homeland Security and color-coded alerts and ID for everything (although the “exchanges” did start pre-Homeland Security, but you’d think all that surveillance would have hampered the devils a little…).
I continue to be plagued by body parts snatchers. But it’s just too draining to talk about it now. I’m depressed. I’m anxious. I fear what they may take next!
I can’t talk about it anymore. I have to go now and check my few remaining bits of “original equipment”…
Be vigilant, children. You never know when they’ll pay you a visit. Da da Dah da… Da da Dah da… (Work with me here, wouldja? Just imagine the damn “Twilight Zone” theme, okay?)
Roux
Tags: Am I Dreaming?, Body Snatchers/Exchangers, Nitnoidography, Qeetz'l, Rouxminations, Things that PISS ME OFF, WTF
